OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
