If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
