the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
