Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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