Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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