I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
