Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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