Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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