D3 body, D1 cock
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
