either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
