He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
