Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If that was your dad, he is hot
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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