Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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