Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
