HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
