We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
