I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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