She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
