so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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