the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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