I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we made out on top of his cat.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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