My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
