I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
