i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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