If that was your dad, he is hot
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
