i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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