i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
