How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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