idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
