he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just invented taco cereal.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
