Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
