I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
time to smoke my breakfast
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
