I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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