Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
