She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
