ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think my vagina is haunted
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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