I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
