Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
