Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
