he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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