I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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