eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
