I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Bring me that man meat
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
