who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
