I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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