My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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