he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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