Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
