dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
