Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
