too bad you live with your parents still
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
