Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm really busy with my period
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