worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How does one acquire holy water?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
