Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
