After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
