This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
