dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
