her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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