before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Houston, we have a squirter
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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