Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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