I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
