I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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