Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
