I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
