Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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