This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
