is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
