How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
