i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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